Follow by Email

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Australian View of Satirically-Oriented Spoofs

Satire is primarily a literary genre or form, although in practice it can also be found in the graphic and performing arts. In satire, vices, follies, abuses, and shortcomings are held up to ridicule, ideally with the intent of shaming individuals, and society itself, into improvement.[1] Although satire is usually meant to be funny, its greater purpose is often constructive social criticism, using wit as a weapon.  The Wikepedia characterization

Exclusive Uttaradit Interview

Dudley CockRight
Reporting for the Krung Thepster Post
Summary:  Rumor has it that a major class action lawsuit is being prepared for a pattern of quasi-human trafficking and unfair dismissal against foreign teachers in Uttaradit.  As we speak high-powered Thai lawyers are putting the final touches on the legal paperwork and preparing to file the paperwork necessary to blow the cover off what they characterize as an “English-teacher racket” that puts hundreds of thousands of dollars in the pockets of unscrupulous Thai educators while students suffer and native English speaking teachers are deceived and tossed aside like yesterday’s garbage.  In order to understand both sides of the story we have an exclusive interview with a key player in the ripening dispute.
 Dudley CockRight:          Surely you are aware of the impending court case.  Any comments?
Ladyboy Liberator:          Not really.  This is not London, this is Uttaradit.  This is not Melbourne, this is Uttaradit.  Foreigners have no rights here. 
Dudley CockRight:           It is alleged that you do not like foreigners and yet you are responsible for hiring and evaluating them.  Isn’t that something of a double standard?
Ladyboy Liberator:          Nobody here wants foreigners, but they are necessary to run the English programs.
Dudley CockRight:           The students surely must want the native English speaking teachers?
Ladyboy Liberator:          Students are not important.  They do what we tell them.  If they want a degree then they do what we tell them.  And we tell them to keep quiet and if they help us achieve our objectives then maybe we will let them graduate.  If not we will crush them and drum them out of the university.
Dudley CockRight:           What are your objectives?
Ladyboy Liberator:          Money, face, and power.  Today, I am Dean.  Soon I will be Vice President with my own bathroom and a paid car and then maybe President.  The source of all educational power in Uttaradit is English.  Everyone pays big money to learn English and the government gives big grants for English programs.  Power thus depends in large part on English programs.
Dudley CockRight:           So you hire native speaking English teachers to advance your own quest for money and power?
Ladyboy Liberator:          Sure, it is a natural path.
Dudley CockRight:           Sources tell us that your attrition rate for foreign teachers is nearly 95% and that you intentionally make false promises to lure teachers to Uttaradit?  Is this true.
 Ladyboy Liberator:         Of course it is true.  Foreigners think they have rights here.  Just because their countries give rights to immigrants they demand rights here in Uttaradit.  Look, foreigners cannot own land in Thailand.  Foreigners here basically cannot become citizens.  We don’t want foreigners.  So we have to lie to them.  We tell them they will receive a certain salary, certain health benefits, and certain support.  Do we intend to honor these promises?  No, and we have no shame.  We need bodies to parade for the students who pay the money.  Once the foreigner has served this function we are done with them and if they ask us to honor our promises then we get rid of them.  Again, this is Uttaradit.  Foreigners have no rights.  The United Nations and its human rights conventions have no application.
Dudley CockRight:           But this must lead to conflict?
 Ladyboy Liberator:         It frequently does.
Dudley CockRight:           You must face public criticism.  People must become aware of the fact that this is not a good place to work?
Ladyboy Liberator:          This is not a problem.  First, we threaten the foreigners.  If they persist then we have local police threaten to have them arrested or we have immigration threaten to deport them.  This is Uttaradit.  Foreigners are outsiders and have to recognize that they will be crushed if they speak about us negatively or try to warn other foreigners.
Dudley CockRight:           You have punished foreigners in this manner before?  You have threatened to have them arrested and deported for talking about dishonest and illegal practices?

Ladyboy Liberator:          This is Uttaradit.
Dudley CockRight:           You realize that this type of recruiting model, luring human beings under false pretenses and then forcing them to earn you money under threat of arrest or deportation, is human trafficking under United Nations and international definitions and guidelines.  You are trafficking in native English speakers for personal financial and professional gain in much the same way as others traffic in women using prostitution.
Ladyboy Liberator:          Then I am the pimp of Uttaradit and proud of it.  Foreigners have always been outsiders here and they have no rights.  Who cares?  More will come because they are foolish.  More will come and one day I will be sitting in the President’s office laughing hysterically.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Student Ladyboy Anatomy

People often seem confused by Ladyboy anatomy.  I have had foreigners here at Uttaradit Rajabhat University frequently ask me whether a Ladyboy is a transvestite or a transexual.  Most student Ladyboys are transvestites.  They have beautiful female breasts and male genitals.  I might add that having a sex-change operation requires under Thai law first meeting with a psychologist make sure they realize this is a procedure that cannot be changed.  Many students do not yet have the money for the sex change operation and are too young to have made a decision to change their sex permanantly.  Many student ladyboys sell their bodies in order to raise money to live as women and to save money for the operation.  Foreigners often think that selling bodies is bad but it is a long part of our tradition.  Student Ladyboys sell their companionship to businessmen, government officials, and their teachers.  It is like taking care of the Ladyboy or sponsoring them through their studies.  I have sponsored many ladyboys and helped prepare them for their futures.  So, to conclude, student Ladyboys in the context of this blog generally refers to female breasts and male genitalia while acting and dressing like a female.  These are the Ladyboys I am intimate with and would like to discuss in more depth.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Uttaradit Rajabhat University

Ladyboys cannot thrive or succeed in society without individual and institutional sponsors.  I am proud to say that Uttaradit Rajabhat University, my university, is finally becoming a leader in ladyboy rights.  We have taken three steps to promote and secure ladyboy freedom.  First, our student dormitories have a new ladyboy section in addition to the male and female sections.  I have volunteered to be the Ladyboy dorm advisor and have already planned for a variety of pajama parties.  Second, we have created a ladyboy mentoring program for ladyboys facing bullying or harassment.  Finally, we have created a "Ladyboy for a Week" campaign where the President and Deans of Uttaradit Rajabhat University dress and act as Ladyboys around campus and at home for a week.  I helped the President dress as a ladyboy and applied his make-up and it was all good fun.  Any individuals or institutions wishing to folow the lead of Uttaradit Rajabhat University should contact me for more details.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Ladyboy Bathroom Wars: To Stand or to Sit?

One of my first direct experiences with discrimination against Ladyboys dealt with a conflict at Uttaradit Rajabhat University over the use of male and female bathrooms.  Females complained that Ladyboys were starting to use their bathrooms and the Ladyboys complained that they were being sexually harassed and abused when they used male bathrooms.  In fact, a couple of Ladyboys reported being hit or sexually touched while trying to use the male bathrooms.  Something had to be done.  Many of the Thai administrators were old-school males and thought it was funny.  I disagreed, I was horrified by what was happening, so I started a Bathroom Committee for Ladyboy Dignity.  I rented a hotel room in downtown Uttaradit and invited six Ladyboys for a night of serious discussion about how to rally Ladyboys and concerned students at URU.  We had wine and somtom, did some role play in our pajamas and had a comfortable sleepover/political meeting that night.  We ended up persuading the university administration, including the playboy president, to create a third bathroom option for the Third Sex.  I savored this success and have been a part of the university Ladyboy movement ever since.

My Student Ladyboys

You would be surprised to meet my Ladyboy students.  They are fun-loving, sincere, and very beautiful.  They have long black hair, they dress in the female student style with white blouses and black skirts, and they smell sweet as flowers.  I must admit that I frequently forget what I am teaching about when they are in my classroom, that I often go off on tangents, because their beauty is hypnotic.  I often keep the foreigner teachers away from my Ladyboy students because the temptations are too strong.  Foreigners see Thai Ladyboys primarily as sex objects while I can see and treat them as both unique human minds and sexy creatures.  I enjoy advising and working with the Third Sex more than conventional men or women because of their hybrid natures.  Thailand, for instance, is a Bhuddist country and many Thais believe that human souls are recycled through reincarnation so that what was a male in a previous life might become female in a subsequent reincarnation and vice versa.  As a consequence, according to Buddhist philosophy, it is quite natural for male and female souls to become misplaced throughout the centuries as reincarnation occurs.  In a very real way, therefore, a man like me making love to a student Ladyboy is very much like making love to a female.  The body may be partly male but the soul is female.  Love is about the soul, the body is just a superficial manifestation of a current incarnation, and the Third Sex thus transcends in important ways conventional prejudices against Ladyboys.  I highly recommend making love to a Ladyboy is your soul tells you it is the right thing to do.

My Ladyboy Preference

I believe as an academic dedicated to justice that it is important to reveal personal preferences and biases to prevent potential conflicts of interest.  I am a married man and I have a child.  Despite having been married for many years I find myself attracted to many Ladyboys.  Before you pretend to be surprised, please know that many Thai men and Thai women agree that Thai Ladyboys--also known as the Third Sex in Thailand-are thought to be the most beautiful gender.  It is common, for example, for Thai men and women to compare magazine covers of the year's most beautiful women and Ladyboys and almost everyone tends to agree that the Ladyboys are the most beautiful.  So I freely admit as I indulge in this endeavor that I am attracted to Thai Ladyboys, that this is not a secret to my friends or family, and that I treat Ladyboys like women which is generally what makes them happy.  Let us love all people, regardless of their personal feelings, and use Ladyboys to break down barriers and bring us all closer together.  We are all a little bit Ladyboy inside, me too, and it is something to embrace and celebrate.